


Carry On

by gabiroba



Series: Drabbling in a Playlist Challenge [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Personal Growth, Post-Episode: s01e11 The Magical Place, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 09:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1260973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabiroba/pseuds/gabiroba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of what happened to Phil Coulson at the hands of Centipede in "The Magical Place". With the help of an old friend he manages to get back on his feet and begin to regroup. Based on the song “Carry On Wayward Son” By: Kansas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carry On

Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more  


  


 The day had been difficult on all of them, especially him. What Phil had endured at the hands of Raina and Centipede was unparalleled. Melinda was yet unaware of all that had happened to him, both through S.H.I.E.L.D. and Centipede, but there could be no doubt that it had to have been an extreme level of cruelty to have caused the normally calm and cheerful agent to beg for his death; which is why it was so surprising to her to have found him sound asleep in his office an hour before take-off.

She approached him with the stealth only she was known for. Carefully, she removed the glasses he had on. He needed them to read with, but it was the one blow his ego could never take. She could never figure out how he could feel so proud of all his seemingly childish collections, showing them off to anyone who took the time to listen, but always tried his hardest to hide the fact that he needed reading-glasses. Men! That was all she could muster regarding that particular topic.

She wanted to move him to his adjoining suite but knew that would awaken him. He needed his rest. He’d been through too much to be brought back to reality just yet.

Gently she smoothed his hair from his forehead and combed it back with her fingers. Her eyes followed the creases on his face, around his eyes and mouth, across his forehead and into his hairline. Those creases hadn’t been there when they had first met, and there would likely be many more to come before they managed to get all the answers they needed.

She ran her fingers gently over his cheek and lightly over his eyebrow. Slowly, almost sensually, she brought her face closer to his. She laid a soft, tender and chaste kiss to his brow first. She followed the pattern her fingers had made in reverse, coming in the end to the uncharted territory of his lips. In the lightest of caresses, she placed her lips against his. This last act made him open his eyes and to look straight into hers.

He didn’t speak just yet, unwilling to break the silence. She was alright with that, never much for words herself. He had woken when she had removed his glasses and had known instantly it was her. She was the only one on the bus who would have been so bold. At first he had been hoping she would go away, but now he wasn’t sure. They kept looking through each other, trying to figure out what was going through the other’s mind.

Not sure of what was happening, nor where it was stemming from on her part, Phil decided to test the waters. He leaned in to her this time and closed the distance between his mouth and hers in another small, barely there kiss. Still their eyes never strayed. When they separated again, her hand came up and cupped his cheek warmly.

Melinda tilted her head and moved in a third time. Unlike the previous kisses, she closed her eyes and deepened the pressure of her lips on his, causing his hands to cup her own head. Thus began the dual for control as they reacquainted themselves with the other’s caresses. But, while more than they had done in many years, they never went beyond the kiss, breaking their embrace mere minutes after it had begun, their foreheads falling gently together and their breathing slowing.

Phil threaded his fingers through her hair once more and smiled. She allowed herself a small one in response to his, glad to see his mood had lifted, if only a bit.

“I wouldn’t mind getting woken like this from time to time.” He told her.

The corner of her mouth crinkled up. “I should have let you sleep longer.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

She closed her eyes, their proximity too much for her. He simply examined her.

When she opened her eyes again she noticed the smile hadn’t left his face, bringing her own back to hers. She lifted her forehead from his finally and ran the back of her fingers down his cheek.

“We take off in about 40 minutes. Why don’t you go back there and have a real lie-down?”

His head shook and his smile became sad. The hand that wasn’t cupping her face went to the one of hers that was on his cheek, grasping and holding it.

“I already cheated by taking this catnap. I have paperwork to catch up on, reports to file. And I need to see the ground team off.”

“I’ll give you that last one. But we’ll have five hours before we get to our destination. I hope you’ll…”

“I’ll take a nap during the flight then. Besides, if I’m not there to send Agent Hand on her way the kids might not be so nice.”

She turned away from him, becoming serious once more. “Alright, have it your way.”

She began to stand and pull away from him. He had yet to relinquish his hold on her hand and used it to pull her back to stand between his legs. “Hey, I promise!” He emphasized by pulling her down to his lap to be closer to her face once more.

“Ok.”

“Ok.”

“I need to go through the pre-flight check.”

He let her go but followed her out of the room.

 

Ah  
  
Once I rose above the noise and confusion  
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion  
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high  
  
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man  
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man  
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming,  
I can hear them say  
  
Carry on my wayward son,  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more

 

After they had been in the air for an hour Melinda decided to check up on her self-appointed charge. As much as they both knew he needed his rest, she was also aware that he would rarely take a break before all his work was complete.

She set the plane on auto-pilot and stepped out of the cockpit. They were currently over the Atlantic and nothing but clear skies lay ahead. She didn’t plan on being gone from the pilot’s chair for very long.

When she reached the office at the top of the stairs she entered without preamble. Her surprise did not show when she did not find what he had expected. The room was empty. This forced her to go through to the nearly hidden door just off to the side of his desk and into Phil’s personal cabin.

Instantly she noticed the distress he was in. While to the outside observer it would seem he was simply a fitful sleeper, she could tell he was having a nightmare. Just as when she had found him at his desk earlier, she approached him carefully in an attempt to not scare him. She sat at his side and laid one had on his arm and the other on the side of his face.

“Phil, wake up. It’s just a dream,” she whispered softly while rubbing his arm. He stopped moving and languidly opened his eyes. What she saw in them was pure fear.

“It’s ok. I’m here for you.”

He couldn’t speak. Everything had come back to him as he had slept. Everything the machine had unearthed had been brought to the surface once more and assaulted his senses. Before he could register, tears had come to his eyes and he started to curl his legs into himself and turn away from Melinda. She would have none of it.

She crawled over him and pulled him into her embrace, hugging him closely to her. She let him cry his fears into her shoulder as she let her hands smooth circles across his back. She kissed his head and whispered words of peace and calm into his ear. There wasn’t much to be done for the onslaught of emotions he was feeling. If he didn’t deal with them now they would overwhelm him at a time when he might not be able to deal with them.

As he calmed down she could hear him saying something repeatedly into her neck. She strained to understand and was finally able to discern his question.

“Why didn’t they let me die? Why didn’t they just let me die Mel? Why? Why would Fury di this? Why couldn’t he have let me stay dead?”

She brought his face up and made him look her in the eyes.

“You stop that this instant Phillip Coulson!” He gulped as he looked at her.

“Why should I, Mel? He had no right!”

“No, he didn’t, but that is in the past now.” Her face softened. “Whatever happened had already passed and now we deal with the future. You are stronger than that.”

He lowered his head into the crook of her neck once more. “What if I’m not?” He spoke quietly, so quietly that she couldn’t be sure she had heard him.

“But you are.”

They continued in their embrace, each lost in their own thoughts. Both glad for the company of the other, taking comfort in the arms of the person they could trust that most. He didn’t want to close his eyes and go back to that place, the real place, not the illusion they had put into his memories.

Almost as if of its own accord, Melinda’s hand began playing with the hair on the back of his head. She let her fingers run through the short strands and curl themselves through their silkiness. Her eyes had closed and she was enjoying being in his arms again, even if the circumstances were not what she had hoped.

Phil, on the other hand, ran his hand up and down Melinda’s side purposefully, yet gently. He couldn’t begin to express his gratitude for her appearance. She had always been his anchor and he had missed their closeness in the previous years. When she had kissed him earlier in his office it had felt like finally coming home, and having her here with him, helping him muddle through his thoughts, holding onto him and allowing herself to be held by him was almost too much for him to bear. He hoped against hope that she wouldn’t leave again.

“Thank you for comi…”

“Don’t even start. I told you a long time ago that you could count on me and that never changed.”

He smile sadly, “Yes it did, Mel. For a while at least, it did.”

She frowned. “No, it didn’t.” She let out a long breath. “I may have left because I couldn’t deal with everything, but if you had needed me I would have come.”

It was his turn to make her look at him.

“I have always needed you.”

“No, you haven’t.” She shook her head before she continued. “You were always better at this than I was, than I am. You could always make the best out of any situation you were given. You’ve never needed me, not half as much as I needed you.”

He pulled himself up into a sitting position and she joined him. One of his hands took hers while the other caressed her cheek.

“What happened to us, Mel? We were so good. At least, I remember us being so good together.”

“We were good, too good. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. After Bahrain I was different, and I couldn’t bring you down with me. I didn’t want us to go down the road I had seen so many agents take with their partners. I wasn’t going to do that to you.”

He knew there was more to that story, but he wasn’t going into it now. Now they were making headway on a new them and he wasn’t going to ruin that by opening up old wounds. Eventually they would have to cross that bridge, but not today.

“Ok, I’ll accept that for now.”

She raised her eyebrow at him.

“We will talk later about that.”

Her eyebrow remained up, but it was no deterrent for him.

“But I will say what I was going to say before. Thank you for coming here. Thank you for staying with me.”

She didn’t answer him with words, but came up to her knees and straddled his thighs. She grabbed his face with both of her hands and gave him a kiss he would not soon be forgetting. Into that one meeting of their lips she tried to put as much emotion as she possibly could. She needed him to feel that she was here to stay. She might have left him before, but she was here now, and she wasn’t planning on leaving.

He wasn’t a passive participant either. As soon as she had sat on his lap he had brought his hands up to her waist, and when started kissing him, he pulled her head closer as well. He had been studying the mystery that was Melinda May for almost two decades already and he knew what she was trying to convey. He needed to her to understand the same things.

Were he not as much of a gentleman as he was, his hands would have been under her clothes from the beginning. As it was, he was enjoying having her on top of him too much to try anything else, not that she would have minded, he was sure.

When their need for breathing became greater than their hunger for one another they broke their kiss but not their touch. Their faces came to rest cheek-to-cheek, her arms around his head and his around her torso. They continued laying small kisses on any exposed skin they could find as they waited for their heart rates to come down. It always amazed them that in mere minutes they could make each other’s heart beat faster than prolonged exercise or intense field situation ever could.

Never one for long silences, Phil spoke first. “So I guess that means I’m not single anymore.”

Melinda began to laugh into his neck. He was one of the very few people who could bring such relaxation to her; actually, he was the only one. She looked up at him with a smile on her face, one that Phil had missed seeing.

“No, I guess neither of us are.”

He smiled back and chastely kissed her again.

“Good. I never really liked the bachelor life.”

As always, she raised her eyebrow, this time accompanying it with a smirk. She pecked him once more on the lips then rose from her position.

“Will you sleep again before we land?” She asked before turning to leave the room.

He nodded. “Yeah, I think I’ll be ok for a couple more hours. I’ll be down to get something to drink and take a look at the kids, but I’m still tired.”

“Good. I’ll come wake you before we land then.”

He smiled. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

She smiled back at him and left him to get fixed up before joining the others.

  
  
Masquerading as a man with a reason  
My charade is the event of the season  
And if I claim to be a wise man,  
Well, it surely means that I don't know  
  
On a stormy sea of moving emotion  
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean  
I set a course for winds of fortune,  
But I hear the voices say  


Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more no!

 

As he was getting himself that cup of water, Phil heard the sounds of his team coming from the lounge. He knew they had all gone above and beyond to get to him back and he had yet to take the time to thank them. Now was as good a time as any to do so.

He found them sitting around the coffee table with a board game set up. It seemed that if they were left alone for five minutes with nothing to do they would find themselves in this position. They made it very easy for him and Melinda to call them children. They coming through at first, so enthralled they were.

He sat on the arm of the couch by Ward’s side, a look of indulgence for his agents on his face. FitzSimmons did not know how to respond to his presence, but Skye took care of it for them.

“Wanna join in on the fun AC?”

He shook his head. “That’s alright Skye, I just came down for some water. I need to get back up the paperwork. You go ahead and play.”

They continued their game, though a bit more subdued now that there was a chaperone present. Nonetheless, their fun didn’t stop, and he appreciated their joviality. It amazed him how even through what they had seen and heard they still managed to be so energetic at the end of the day.

He remembered what it had been like to be their age and in their position. Bad things happened in the field even then, but youth had a way of masking the worst of it while maturity managed to bring it all out to be chewed upon. He envied them their naiveté.

As they moved their pieces around the board, kicking each other up and down, winning and sometimes losing the play, he couldn’t help but be reminded once more of everything that had been brought up. He couldn’t help but compare himself to the little pieces being moved around the board. S.H.I.E.L.D. controlled their lives so completely. His life was no longer his. If before he had figured that by his mere association and freely given service to the institution, with these newfound revelations he couldn’t be more positive.

 While he could sit here with these young agents, practically fresh from the academy compared to him and Melinda, he was now even more aware of the differences that sat between them. He needed to find a new purpose to continue doing what he had originally set out to do. He needed a new purpose to grab hold of and lead these S.H.I.E.L.D.       babies into a better organization for whom to work. And he needed to start by giving them the credit they all deserved.

“Guys, pause the game for a moment, will you?”

As always, Skye was the first to speak up. “Sure, AC. What’s up?”

“I have been made aware of all you did in order to find me and I wanted to thank you. You all went above and beyond on this and you should know that I am very grateful to you. Even if you did disobey direct orders from Agent Hand in order to do it, I’m proud of you for following your instincts.” He turned directly to Skye at this point. “And I hear you even managed to take a few hostages in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s name. I guess that means your basic field training has paid off.”

The girl in question lowered her gaze, embarrassed at having been found out. Her only hope was that Agent May never found out just how far she had actually gone.

“Yeah, well, desperate times and all that. We’re just glad that we got you back in one piece.” She told him.

“Yes, sir,” cut in Jemma. “We are a team sir, and no team is complete without its leader. There was no chance we were going to let anyone else handle this.”

“They don’t have our finesse, sir.” Leo finished for her.

Phil looked at Ward, wondering if he would add anything. “We take care of our own, sir.”

Phil nodded and got up to go back to his repose. “Carry on with your game. I’m sure one of you will manage to take Fitz down from his lead eventually.”

The ever enthusiastic Skye didn’t miss a beat. “Your ass is mine, Fitzy!”

“Not even in your dreams, hacker.” He replied.

As the leader of this chipper crowd left he heard the battle for victory continue. It brought another smile to his face and more determination to his resolve. He would find a way to improve upon the distastefulness that had entered S.H.I.E.L.D. after the battle of New York, if for no one else but the people currently on this plane.

  
  
Carry on,  
You will always remember  
Carry on,  
Nothing equals the splendor  
Now your life's no longer empty  
Surely heaven waits for you

 

Just as she had promised, Melinda came to find him an hour before landing time. He was taking another nap just as she had hoped and this time didn’t appear to be suffering from any night terrors. As was becoming a habit, she approached him and sat by his side. She gently shook him awake and returned the smile she received once he had awoken.

“I take it this was a good sleep.”

“Mmm, yes. But I’m glad you came to get me.”

She raised her eyebrow in amusement. “Are you now?”

He pulled her down to him to show her just how glad he was to see her. She acquiesced to his control for a few moments, but quickly took it back.

“While I am glad you are feeling a little better, we don’t have time to start this now.”

“Spoilsport.”

She removed herself from under him and sat up with him. She did allow him to hold her in his arms and didn’t move to get up from the bed just yet.

“I heard you speaking to them.”

He smirked at her. “Keeping tabs on me?”

“Do you really think I leave them all alone together without making sure they aren’t destroying my plane?”

He chuckled, “Are you ever going to forgive them for torching that pillow?”

“Forgive, never forget.”

He nodded. Of course. Only she would trust a group of people with her life but never her favorite toy. Who was he kidding? They were never coming near Lola.

“It was good for them. They needed to hear it from you.”

“Yeah, I know. But on that note, I decided something.”

As his gaze became serious so did hers.

“I plan on rooting out all the underhanded ploys being put through this organization. I don’t know how yet, not how deep it runs, but I plan on ending all the lies being propagated, especially as it pertains to any and all personnel attached to this unit.”

She nodded and blinked once. She understood where this was coming from and would support him if need be.

“Can I count on your help?” He knew the answer before she even spoke it, but needed to hear her say it.

“Always.”

He squeezed her shoulder and nodded at her once more. She allowed a small smile to appear at the corner of her lips.

“Come, let’s land this bus.”

He smiled fully. “Sure. I’ll meet you there. Let me freshen up. Can’t let the kids know I’m not perfect.”

She allowed her eyes to roll just so. “Of course not, I’ll be waiting in the cockpit.”

Just as she was about to leave he pulled her to him one last time. She smiled into their kiss before letting him go and pushing him towards the mini lavatory.

While he still had a long way of recovery ahead of him, she had more hope that he would recover fully now. He was the stronger of the two of them, of that she was sure. She just hoped she would be able to be strong enough to support him because he would get through this. He might have a few battles ahead, but she would see him through. At the end of it all he would come out on top. He stood apart from all other agents she had met through the years.

For now she would make sure he got the reprieve he needed, the rest he deserved. She would be by his side and she would help him carry on.

 

  
  
Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry,  
Don't you cry no more,  
  
No more!


End file.
